


Radio Silence

by WedgeTailed



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Angst, Control, Firefighters, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad, Soft Husbands, mental struggle, sevasey, vampire diaries cheekily mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 01:16:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19842511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WedgeTailed/pseuds/WedgeTailed
Summary: He’d watched Matt’s look grow distance day by day after that shift. He had tried to reach out only to be met with radio silence.





	Radio Silence

He sat on the edge of his bed staring at the wall. Kelly stood in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, face neutral but clearly showing he wanted to comfort Matt. He just had no idea how too. He’d watched Matt’s look grow distance day by day after that shift. He had tried to reach out only to be met with radio silence. He looked down at the floor, away from the man that had always stood so strong and was now crumbling inside out. Their days of recovery were over. He himself had shamelessly broken down a few times, but he could barely imagine what Matt was going through. 

Matt had held her in his arms and watched as she lost focus in her eyes. Watched as her body lost all of its strength as the last breath passed through her lips and she slipped away. He sighed slowly then looked back up. “C’mon, we got to go,” Kelly said, taking a step backwards, towards the front door, hoping that his movement would inspire Matt to follow his lead. Matt slowly stood up, knees cracking. Kelly winced, they weren’t that young anymore, they were slowly aging, days closer to slipping themselves. 

Matt walked towards him as he stood in the front doorway, grabbing his coat. Kelly let him through then locked their door. They went down the steps in silence, Matt gripping the keys to his truck, Kelly glancing to the garage were his mustang was sitting inside, wondering if he should drive. Matt jumped into the front seat starting her up after throwing his bag in the tub, Kelly following his lead. The drive was sat in silence, Kelly afraid to speak or even turn on the radio. He couldn’t read Matt like this and it scared the shit out of him. 

Walking up to the firehouse, the only people in sight were the squad guys. Kelly and Matt went to get changed, silence hanging between them. When he was ready Kelly turned to Matt. “I’ll see you later,” he said, a briefed hand landing on Matt shoulder before he walked out. He only received a grunt in response. After Boden’s morning talk about issues then how he’d like the day to go the tones dropped. It seemed like that was the case most of the time. Matt jogged towards his rig and quickly slipped into his gear then jumped into the front seat. 

“Truck 81 responding to car fire 76 Lakeshore Av,” he said into the radio. The whole crew was silent, feeling something tense and dangerous about their Captain hanging in the air of the cab. Squad 3 arrived on the scene first. “Capp, Tony keep those bystanders back, Cruz come with me,” Severide said, after his quick assessment of what he had to work with. He walked towards the car, Cruz in tow when Casey joined him with Herman. 

Severide quickly looked around, realising Casey had had the whole street blocked off by his crew for a simple fire. Severide just ignored it, it was up to Casey what he wanted to do. He took Cruz and they looked around each side of the car, looking into the windows for victims, Casey hanging over Cruz’s shoulder. There was no one in the car so Kelly went to knock on the door of the house. He had just finished knocking when there was a commotion behind him. 

“No, no! I want the foam branches on the 64 mil, I do not want straight water with the 32 mils.” The anger in his voice had even Kelly wincing as Casey yelled virtually into Herman’s face. He barely heard Germans begrudged reply of, ‘Yes, Captain.’ The door suddenly opened, and a lady looked out, worried as soon as she saw the uniform and barrage of fire trucks. “What’s happened?” she asked, scared. 

“Cruz, you take this,” Severide said, patting the man on the back and stepping down the steps before Cruz had time to respond. Kelly walked straight up to Casey who was fuming. “Matt,” he said gently, trying to place a hand on his shoulder. Matt shrugged him off then stormed up to Ridder and snatched the hose from out of his hands. Ridder held his hands up as Casey stormed the car, throwing up the hood and coating the fiery engine with foam. 

The team stood shocked as Casey stood their fuming. He looked up at all of them, chest heaving. “Well, let’s get this scene packed up,” he growled. Kelly and Herman stood dumbfounded as the others scrambled to do what he said. Matt spun around to look at Kelly and Herman. As Herman broke off to go pitch in, Kelly levelled the Captain with a look, before following Herman.

\------

For the rest of the shift no crisis happened. A false alarm, a stove on fire, little things. Little things that Matt blew out of proportion, taking charge of every little thing, micromanaging the whole house. By the end of shift everyone was glad to be going home away from him. They loved their Captain, but something wasn’t right. Kelly couldn’t handle the frustration trying to cut through the silence and tenseness between them. 

After he’d gotten changed, leaving Matt to clear up anything he could get his hands on, he went up to Stella. He sighed heavily, shoulders sagging, “Can you give me a ride home?” She turned to him, eye raised when she looked his tired form up and down. “Sure, lieutenant,” she said, turning to lead him to her car. 

Kelly would normally go out for a drink with Matt and his 51 family at Molly’s after shift. Tonight, he just wanted to sleep, a dark thought wishing that Matt would stay out in town all night. He slid into the front seat. Stella opened the door then yelled to Herman that she would be a little late for her shift. She got in and started the car. The radio burst to life, playing some upbeat music she started tapping her fingers on the steering wheel to. 

The whole drive they didn’t talk, just listened to music. When Stella pulled up, Kelly said his thanks and went to get out when she spoke up. “What’s up with Matt and you?” she asked. Kelly paused, filtering his thoughts into something simple. “I don’t know. It’s like he’s just switched off his feelings,” he sat there for a few moments, just thinking. “Well, you should talk to him,” Stella said. 

Kelly sighed, looking at her, “you don’t think I’ve tried?” she gave him a funny look, leaning over towards him, “Kelly, I know your ways. You can’t wait for him to talk, make the first move.” Kelly opened his mouth to say something before stopping and really thinking. He found himself nodding, she really did know him. “Yeah, ok, thanks,” he said getting out of the car. “See ya, Kelly,” she said before he slammed the door and she drove off.

\------

Casey was going around the firehouse, dustpan and brush in hand, cleaning up every little speck he could see. “Should bring a magnifying glass,” he muttered bitterly. Someone clearing their throat caught his attention and he looked up. “Chief,” he said in greeting, looking back down again, bending to sweep another speck into his dustpan. 

“Casey, what are you still doing here?” Boden asked with a sigh. “It’s filthy, chief. These people don’t know how to take care of their firehouse,” Casey said, looking around tirelessly at the walls, floor and even the roof. “Casey, I know what you are doing. You’ve done it before. What’s wrong?” Boden said, tiredly. Casey looks up at him again, studying him for a moment. He then sighed in defeat, knowing full well he couldn’t play off being fine like he tried to with Sev. 

“I keep seeing that little girl,” Matt said, eye downcast. Boden came closer placing a hand on his shoulder. “The girl from the accident?” Matt nodded. There was a pause before Matt spoke. “I watched as she died in my arms, chief. She was just… gone,” Matt said, tears in his eyes. Boden squeezed his shoulder in reassurance. “Go home, Matt. Rest up,” he said. Matt nodded rubbing his eyes before turning on his heel to go to the locker rooms. “Bye chief.”

\------

Kelly hear the engine of Matt’s truck outside. It then came to a shuddering stop and a car door slammed. He stayed on the couch blanket over his head as he watched some vampire drama on the TV. He heard the door handle turn and shuffling foots steps. A thump as a bag was dropped then rustling as a coat was taken off. He then heard the footsteps coming closer to him and the couch dipped. 

Cold hands reached under the blanket to wrap tightly around his waist, only then did he move to look at Matt. Matt whose eyes were dry but blood shot, his hair and mess and his frame shaking. Kelly unclasped his hands and reached over to pull Matt closer. Matt tried to keep it in, he really did but he was over thinking. The way Kelly had looked at him at that call, betrayal and anger swimming in his eyes. He choked back sob. 

Kelly ran his hands through Matt’s hair, kissing his cheek and the top of his head. Matt shook as he silently sobbed, letting all the tense and anger and sadness out. Kelly knew he’d been affected by what happened, but it still wasn’t a way to act. When Matt’s sniffling started that’s when Kelly spoke. “Talk to me Matt,” he said gently. Matt shifted a little so that he was lying down in Kelly’s lap and looking up at him. 

“I still see her face,” he started, gulping as his throat burnt with sobs. “Every time I close my eyes, Kel. Her face is there,” his eyes looked towards the floor. Kelly patted his chest gently with his left hand, ruffling his hair with his left. When Matt didn’t continue. “Matt, there was nothing you could’ve done. There was no way she would’ve survived a crash like that,” he shook his head, the image of that horrific crash in his mind, haunting him for a moment. 

“Matt, you need to let go,” Kelly said, looking into his eyes. Matt was silent for a minute and Kelly could see the tears welling up. His body shook and he sputtered out a cry, whining as he curled into Kelly’s torso, pressing his face into his stomach. “You’re okay, you’re okay,” Kelly said rubbing his shoulder and holding him close. They stayed like that for a while, Matt’s burst of tears slowly calming down to small hiccups. 

He finally shifted, sitting up beside Kelly and drawing him and the blanket closer. Kelly rested his head on Matt’s chest, letting him hold him as tight as he could. They watched the drama in silence, until Matt finally sighed, “That werewolf uncle reminds me of you, Kel.” Kelly let out a breathy, laugh, “Yeah, I got those rugged good looks.” They both settle into silence again, watching the show but mostly using it as background noise, relishing the closeness of each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Quick background about me and why this was a little hard to write. I am a firefighter (only 17 too) in Australia. Earlier this year my brigade got a call to a car crash, really bad one. It affected us all in different ways. One of our officers dealt with it by being more controlling on scene, with is fair enough. I thought I’d create a story about this pairing from a real experience, feelings that I have felt and that I have seen. So, I hope you enjoyed this story, I just thought you should hear about what I’ve really tried to offer this time.


End file.
